Home Again Home Again

Happy New Year's Eve!

Got home last night, opened the christmas present that arrived after we left for Pittsburgh last week, and caught up on all my magazines. And played with the new present, of course. Heh heh.

Seeing the family was nice... in that way of visiting family. In other words, I didn't get to spend enough time with some people and had to spend way too much time with others. My father didn't really do a flip out until the last night we were there, and it wasn't nearly as nasty as some I've witnessed. We did clear out all our stuff from the dining room in case he decided that we were "too fucking retarded and irresponsible" to have things. He has been known to break or throw away things that were left where he thought they didn't belong when he gets in one of his moods. Love the man, try to ignore the mental illness, I guess.

Speaking of mental illness, we visited Grandma and Sam. Grandma is our adopted grandma who lived across the street from us when I was a little girl. Lacking grandparents of our own, we latched on to her. She and Sam dated for years, waiting out the deaths of their parents, before marrying in 1980something. For the last ten years, Grandma has been doing the downhill slide of Alzheimers. She was still fairly functional and conversational until about five years ago. I remember taking her to a Dervish concert in Pittsburgh in the Spring of 1999, right before I moved out West, and she was extremely lucid.

Not so anymore. The woman we knew and loved is gone. She talks like a small child and becomes easily confused, leading to tears. It's hard to know what she recognizes and what she doesn't. Like a child, she'll whine for a cookie, but halfway through eating it, she'll forget she has it in her hand. But god help you if you try to take it away... Sam refuses to put her in a care facility, but the daily struggle is eating him up, too. He told us that if we ever suspected a loved one had Alzheimer's, to shoot them or yourself, because the alternatives just were too ugly to live with. I wish I lived closer so I could visit more often. I know my mother gets over there as often as she can, but with her schedule, that's not as often as they need. So I'll do what I have been doing and send them a card as often as I remember. I just wish I was better at remembering that sort of thing.

I didn't intend to be depressing. Our visit with them was fun. Sam has some fantastic stories to tell and loves an audience. He's a bit eccentric - collects clocks and watches and comic book memorabilia. My mother got him a Batmobile for christmas and he went nuts over it. He got Jay to take a watch, a weather station, six or seven CD's, and an old set of vinyl records of Beethoven's 5th from the 50s. When I was little, Sam used to be into stamp collecting, Matchbox cars, and Wonder Woman. One year I drew him a picture of Wonder Woman and cut it out to look like a stamp. He can be ornery, a cranky old man, but he's just a big sweetheart underneath that. I'm only recently discovering that. He had me fooled for many years.

Happy Holidays... and I'm off

Leaving on a jet plane... but I'll be back on the 30th. Going to spend xmas with the family in Pittsburgh. No doubt I will have lots of interesting stories to post about if Jay and I survive. Mwah ha ha ha ha.

Otherwise been in a bit of a funk lately. Not in the mood to sit down in front of the computer and write at all. Probably just backlash from NaNo. I have been on a reading binge lately though. Mmmmm. Booooooks. Goooood. Reality baaaaad.

10 more working days until I have no job again. Interviewed with Sylvan Learning Center and will also be subbing next term. Job security is something I would like to experience before I die. Just saying.

Alrighty - bed time. Must rise absurdly early for tomorrow's flight. That, and Jay is whining "Come to bed, come to be-e-e-d" at me from the other room. Good thing you're cute, sweetie. Good thing.

Just as I suspected...

I got the offer for the spring term contract... teaching 1 reading class (that I am currently teaching), 1 MORE class (a life studies/guided instruction time for 9th graders with problems), and 1 Utah Studies class. Considering that I have not had the training for the counseling portion of MORE, and that I am not FROM UTAH (thank god), I think I'm going to have to turn it down. (This would drop my take home pay to about $900/month for an assload of work, just for reference.)

Because really... 3 preps (preparations for class), all in classes that I'm not qualified to teach, with some of the most difficult students in the school... I don't think there is enough money in the district to make that worth my time and effort. But here's where the little paycheck idiosyncrisies actually come in handy: I still get paid through the end of February. While it's not enough to make my monthly expenses, it's close enough so that if I don't find a job right away, I won't be TOTALLY screwed. Just partially.

So I'm cruising the district websites, keeping my fingers crossed, and updating my resume for Sylvan Learning Center. If worse comes to worst, I'll be subbing, working up in Park City, and tutoring in the Spring. And that's not THAT horrible, right?

And we might not even be here in the Fall anyway. Right, hon? (no pressure. heh heh.)

Still Sick

All that nice head congestion is sliding down into my lungs... where it will no doubt stick around for the next 2 weeks. As long as I'm healthy by the time my flight back to Pittsburgh rolls around, I'll deal with it.

I probably should have taken more than one day off of school, but this was midterm week and I had to get a pile of grading done and entered into the computers anyway. Plus, getting a sub is like dumpster diving. Pure trash with a few pristine, plastic wrapped goodies hidden in the mix. First sub I had was not only late to class, she spent most of the time on her cell phone (according to the students), and didn't do half of what I left for her to do. Plus, she left no notes as to absences or what they had done. Second sub was a gem. Kids liked him, work was done, note left, etc. Unfortunately, he wasn't available for this past week. So I got self-righteous sub.

Self-righteous sub left me a note telling me that I might want to think about mixing up the groups because they were noisy. (Um, hello? Group work with junior high students is always noisy... doesn't mean they're not working.) Also left a mini-lecture about one of my students and how she needs encouragement. "I noticed that J. was engrossed in her book, so I took some time to visit with her. She wants to be a teacher and likes to read and write. I urged her to work on short stories."

Now, on the surface, there's nothing really wrong with what he wrote. I'm aware of J's issues, and the fact that she reportedly has ADHD. However, she also knows better than to read in my class, and she will also tell you anything if she thinks it means you will let her read instead of doing the work she is supposed to be doing. I've seen her writing before and encouraged her the best I could. (It wasn't easy to find something nice to say, but I did.) And that's great that the sub took a few minutes to talk to her, but COME ON. You saw them for 85 minutes. But you, Mr. Self-Righteous, are the one going to save them and open up new possibilities in their lives, etc? The words "Piss Off" come to mind.

The final act of idiocy came when the teacher who uses the room in the afternoon came in and found him at her desk, eating the unsalted, roasted almonds from Trader Joe's that she just brought back from a trip to California (because we do not have Trader Joe's in Utah). As his final act, he said, "Oh, I guess these are your nuts I'm eating," and tosses another handful into his mouth. Note the lack of apology or embarrassment. Anyway.

And, yes, I won NaNo for the second year in a row. The writing is no doubt horrific, but at least it is there.

With that thought, I am going to go lay down and hope I don't cough up a lung. (Sniff. And I wanted to go skiing this weekend. Sniff.)

The Fallout

Not as bad as anticipated. I will have to take one more expensive exam before they will concede that I can teach French. Good thing we teachers get paid so well, eh? My account was only $6 overdrawn when I deposited my paycheck this afternoon. Argh.

I will also be able to get the license processed with an anthropology endorsement - since that was my major in college - and the additional endorsements should be easier to add.

I'm still pissed though. And worse, I'm sick. My head feels like a weird mix of hollow and filled with snot. Throbbing headache. Can't get warm. I'm taking tomorrow off as a sick day - already arranged for a sub.

Still must write 2800 words to finish NaNo... "I will win if it kills me" is what I posted on the site the other day. I just didn't think that the fates would take me up on it. Bleh.

Denied

Oh yes, just when it couldn't get any better... Eighteen weeks (that's about 5 months, oh yes it is) after I submitted my application for licensure, the thing came back rejected. Evidently, it took that long to realize that I don't have a major in French and that they were not going to count all my French classes from Dartmouth. FABULOUS. So pleased I am.

Motherfuckers.

Perhaps it's my fault, but even so, they could have pointed out the problem in the 6-8 weeks the dirty liars CLAIM that the processing takes. Then I could have resolved the issue before the school year started, but NO.

Somehow, I don't think I'll be teaching in the Spring.

Somehow, I think I might be okay with that.

What bullshit.

Desk Sores

That's what my elbows have right now. It's a combination of dry skin and too much time in front of the computer. However, it's all for a good cause.

I'm raised my NaNo wordcount from 21,628 to 40,099 since Thursday morning. For the mathematically challenged among us, that would be about 18,500 words in 3 days. And since I called in to work due to wicked snow conditions on I-80, I still have all afternoon and evening to work on it. Mwah hah ha ha ha. Less than 10K to go!

No, she really did fall down the stairs, officer.

So, obviously, I love my baby sisters. And they're kind of goofy, so they make for good stories. heh heh. Karlyn called me the other day to make sure I was still alive and stuff, since I've been less than frequent in my postings lately. As usual, she had me laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Or, I would have been laughing that hard, but I threw out my back that night and I wasn't really able to get the proper range of motion. Sigh. (Much better now - I can even sit up without dying.)

Things you have to understand about Karlyn: she looks so sweet and angelic, she's totally the mommy type (I think that's her official title as RA in her dorm), and she's a bit of a klutz. When she was just a wee little bitty slip of a girl, she managed to drop our butter dish on the floor, shattering it to bits. Very sad day. Then she dropped the stopper to the civil war era water jug we kept in the fridge. The jug itself followed only a few days later. I think it tooks weeks for me and Robby (our brother) to forgive her. I mean, it was our favorite jug. She was just our poopy little sister at the time. Cute, but poopy, and clumsy to boot.

All the women in the family have the unfortunate habit of crashing around without watching where we're going, and so we always have strange, unexplainable bruises on our arms and legs. Embarassing, really. Now that I'm in the classroom, I've got permanent deskbruises on my thighs. Damn desks. Damn crowded classroom.

But I digress.

So Karlyn's boyfriend John is a large guy, as I've mentioned before. We were shopping last christmas and she picked up a sweater that was so big... I asked if he was really that big and I think she said something about it maybe not being large enough. In any case, the boy is big, but harmless as a puppy.

They were leaving a party (I'm guessing in a frat basement) and just as they were almost at the top of the stairs, Karlyn slipped and fell backwards, landing on her bum, then knocking her head and sliding all the way to the bottom of the stairs, where she collapsed in a pile of giggles. (Because we crazy sisters tend to laugh hysterically when hurt.) Strangely (or maybe because of her blood/alcohol ratio) she wasn't really damaged beyond a few new bruises. Big John panicked and ran down the stairs after her, attracting the attention of several of the frat brothers... who thought he was beating her. Hah.

Then she went on to tell me about another "partied-too-much" incident where she felt sick and decided to lay on the nice, cold tile floor, preparing to worship the porceline god. John needed to brush his teeth, so he's standing at the sink in his boxer shorts, brushing his teeth while Karlyn moans by his feet on the floor. A friend ducks his head in for a moment... Karlyn says in retrospect it probably did look like John had just finished beating her. Poor maligned boy.

That's what he gets for taking up with my beautiful, accident-prone baby sister.

I must say...

It's really hard to keep up the NaNo word count and post regularly to the blog.

Especially with further distractions of work, gym, other work, friends I haven't seen for 4 years dropping by for an evening on their way through town.... (Hi Aaron - was good to see you! evenifyoudiddelaymywritingthat muchmore)

I need coffee.

Little, Purple, Tinnitus-inducing

That's right. After this week's downhill slide resulted in bouncing along the bottom of rock bottom, I've taken up with the drugs again. Everything has become so overwhelming... I know when I can't just laugh at the stupid stuff that there's a problem.

My prescription ran out in August, but I hadn't filled it since January anyway. I still have three fourths of the last one remaining, so at least I can see if that's going to make life easier to face. And fortunately, I have an appointment with my doctor next month anyway, so I can talk to her about renewing that prescription when I get my other done.

Dammit dammit dammit. I thought I was past this. Will I ever be past this?

Who loves you, baby?

Did I mention that Jay got us tickets to see David Sedaris last night at Kingsbury Hall? Well, he did. It was fucking hilarious... How the hell does he do it? One nasal-voiced, gay ex-pat comes on stage and reads a few stories... to a sold-out venue. God, I would LOVE to have his job. Brilliant.

(Quite the liberal crowd, too. The local public radio guy who introduced Sedaris mentioned that our new county mayor - shockingly, a Democrat - was in the audience... and the theater gave him a standing ovation. Ah, Utah. Reddest state in the Union. Which I find sort of ironic considering that Republicans are supposed to be the anti-communists, but they share the color... whatever. I will never (want to) understand politics.)

(Okay, I'm talking all in asides... definitely a sign that I need to go to bed. Night!)

8000 and counting...

Going okay on the NaNo front. I've been trying to keep up with the minimum 1667 words per day during the week. I hope to make up some ground over the weekend, but since I have to work at my second job, those hopes are not that high.

Are you who I think you are?

Does anyone know how those online people search databases gather their information? I was trying to look up a few people I've lost touch with and I found most of them... but I can't tell how old the data is and whether it's worth paying $10.00 to get the whole sh'bang. I have my doubts. For example, I entered my own name and came up with Arizona as my state of residence. . . . . I haven't lived in Arizona since May of 2001. There are NO listings that put me in Utah.

Since I have registered my car in Utah, paid my taxes in Utah, and have voted every year since moving here, I'm highly suspicious that the other people's information is likewise sadly incomplete. Granted, I don't have a land line, only a cell. BUT, I did have a land line for the first year I lived here. So... I'm guessing that the info is perhaps gathered from driver's license registration? I still have my Arizona license... no motivation to change when the thing doesn't expire until March of 2036. Yep. Love the AZ licenses. Note that the incidental fact that I am legally required to change to a Utah license after 60 (or is it 90?) days of residence has not provided an ounce of motivation to stand in line at the DMV. (That's Department of Motor Vehicles to the non-Americans in the audience - you lucky bastards (<---count that as my election commentary))

NaNo NOW... and never a dull moment

Kicking off NaNo here. Hopefully this will get me back in the habit of daily writing, if not daily blogging. Ahem.


So I've had my first two shifts up at the new job in Park City. Very interesting crowd there. One girl... let's call her Snow White... is probably about 3 inches taller than I am, and about 60 pounds lighter. Scary thin. "No ass" thin. Knobby-knees thin. You get the idea. During the course of the 5 hours shift I worked with her, SW drank a liter of regular Coke, ate three candy bars, and told me how much she loves the cinnamon chimichaungas at this Mexican place nearby... stuffed with cheesecake instead of the usual meat and rice and beans... a few calories in that, you think? So, needless to say, I was a bit puzzled as to how she pulled that off.

Well, you know how I said to call her Snow White. Yep. She likes the powder, and I don't mean the cold white stuff that falls from the sky.

The other girl, we'll call her Speedy. Totally hyper, not so good at following through on stuff... Yep. A meth-addict. The third woman that I've met is not an addict, unless you count cigarettes. She takes 45 second smoke breaks... because it's too cold for her to stay out longer than that. Takes her 8 hours to smoke one cigarette. She's quite entertaining, even if she does pump the heat up to 75 degrees (that's Fahrenheit) so I'm melting in my sweaters.

Too funny. Almost worth the 90 minute round-trip commute.

Some day I will be able to have only ONE job.

However, that day has evidently not yet come. I also got to "reregister" for insurance benefits. They've reorganized them this year and the upshot of it is that I don't get benefits as a .67 fulltime employee. Or rather, I do, but what I would have to pay for them is more than I pay for the insurance I bought on my own last year. Unamused here.

So my friend Cody called me up a little while ago about coming to work for him back in Park City part time and on-call at one of the condo/resort front desks. We worked together at the Hirsch until I quit, and he got the manager's position at this other place. Well anyway. Long story short, I said yes, was planning on changing my mind because of the commute, then got the real story on what I'm being paid (or not being paid) as a teacher, and realized that I needed to take him up on the offer.

Sonovabitch.

I looked for something closer to home, but the job market is grim right now. Unless you are a cook, a housekeeper, or are looking for full time work. I think I need to look more seriously into tutoring.

Flames of Rage

So. Every time I think that there couldn't be another way to dick me around with the whole teaching thing, I'm proven wrong. I got my second paycheck today and it is the same as the first. Okay, that sounds normal, you say. But no. See, the first paycheck was supposed to be for 2.5 weeks. This one was supposed to be for the whole month. But what they do instead of actually paying me for the time worked, they divide my total contract by 12 months and pay me like that.

Why this is a problem: I'm only hired for 5 months. So I won't see that huge fucking chunk of the money they owe me until FEBRUARY!! Six weeks after my contract ends. This is FUCKED UP.

What it means: instead of making $2000/month as I should be, my paychecks are for $1675/month. Yes, that means that I will be getting roughly a double paycheck at the end and according to the payroll lady, THERE IS NO WAY AROUND THIS CLUSTER FUCK. To put this in perspective, that $325 extra is my rent payment.

So unamused. Verging on bitter even.

This isn't funny anymore.

Naked, Screaming, and Dripping Wet

I think that's a line from a Bill Cosby routine, but I might be misquoting. Nonetheless, it seemed an appropriate intro for the next Kerri and Karlyn story. Heh heh.

So, as I mentioned before, K2 and K3 did pretty much everything together because Kerri didn't like to be alone and Karlyn didn't mind the company. When they were much younger - like 9 and 6 - they even used to shower together in my parents' shower-only bathroom downstairs. (The master bedroom is in the basement)

One Saturday afternoon, my mother and I heard an absolutely bloodcurdling scream echo up the stairs to the kitchen. It was followed by a different howl and then a second shriek from the first screamer. As we rushed down the stairs, Kerri raced out the bathroom door naked, screaming, and dripping wet. We snagged a towel from the linen closet to wrap around her and pushed into the bathroom. Karlyn was still in the shower, now cursing to herself. (Interesting vocab for a 9 year old, by the way) Further investigation revealed a steady stream of blood oozing down one leg.

It appears that Kerri had been frightened by a spider dropping over the shower curtain and into the shower stall. Naturally - for a 6 year old girl - she screamed. All would have been well except at that very moment Karlyn was using one of my dad's half-abandoned disposable razors to shave her legs for the first time. When Kerri screamed, Karlyn flinched, taking a chunk of skin out of her leg. Oops. Kerri, seeing the blood, screamed again, semi-convinced that she'd just killed her sister and still freaked out by the spider.

Damn... I don't think I can do that story justice. Just thinking about Kerri doing her little "Aaaaahhhhh!" dance and scream makes me laugh so hard the tears come to my eyes. And Karlyn being so...chagrined as being caught with the razor. Oh dear.

Whoosh Whoosh Whoosh and I love my dad, but I don't love my dad

That's the sound of my days flying by. I'm still a little puzzled as to how it can be the 21st of October when I'm still spinning from September. NaNo's rushing up at me, and this year, instead of being on unemployment from my seasonal job at the resort, I'm working the most time and labor intensive position I've ever had. Of course, last year I finished in only 20 writing days... so maybe I'll be able to make it again this year using all 30.

I talked to myKarlyn over the weekend. I've asked for her confirmation and clarification on the "peneth" thing, so hopefully she'll find a few minutes to leave a comment in the next week or so. She was getting ready to go out with her boyfriend to celebrate their 2nd year anniversary as a disgustingly cute couple. No, they're not disgusting. Well, I guess they might be. I've never actually met John... I've seen the pictures though, and DAMN that boy is big. Linebacker big, not "too many Biggie Size Fries" big. And he looks like a taller, younger version of my dad. Creepy. Personally, I've never been attracted to men who look like my father. But maybe that's just me, eh? To be honest, I used to be attracted to men with my father's "alcoholic in denial" tendencies, but I figured out after a while that that's simply no fun. Aaaaaaaand, while we're being honest, I guess Jay has that "responsible sciencey guy who needs to control everything in his life" thing going on, similar to my dad. But since those are a combination of my dad's most attractive and least offensive (to me) qualities, I think that's okay.

On a scarier note, I think I might be becoming my dad. I've gone to bed every night this week at 9:30pm and gotten up around 6am, to leave the house before 7am. I never believed my dad when he said that he used to be a night person before he had to work a regular job. Now I think I might be getting the picture. And the picture is dark. Oh dark hundred hours, that is. Sigh.

Back to Bellybuttons


Have I written about this already? Does it matter? I didn't think so.


The motivation for this post came from Jay's new obsession with Dooce's blog. Like any freshly speared blog addict, he combed through the archives as I haven't taken the time to do...and he found a picture with a caption revealing that Dooce's belly button is named Fred. Fred the bellybutton. Yep, my Karlyn, sorry to break it to you, but your naming of my bellybutton was evidently not as original as we might have thought.

You see, we three K sisters (Kate, Karlyn, and Kerri) have this belly button bonding thing going on.

I think it started as a result of Kerri's thumb-sucking, belly-button-fingering childhood. Right thumb always in mouth, index finger hooked over her little button nose, left index finger in a belly button. Note I said a belly button, NOT her bellybutton. She wasn't at all picky.

Now Kerri always slept with Karlyn until... well, until she was old enough to want privacy... like 10 or 11? (Feel free to correct me, K2 or K3.) And I don't blame her a bit - Karlyn has had a double bed for as long as I can remember and she is just the snuggliest person to sleep with. So very often, the belly button Kerri had her finger in belonged to Karlyn. Belly buttons became a central facet of our lives in the late 1980s. So I suppose it only seemed proper that they be named. And have personalities assigned. (Don't ask me, I only tell the stories.)

Karlyn's belly button is Billy. He's Karlyn's gay fashion consultant. Perhaps that's a stereotype, but I'd say he's done a fabulous job. Kar is way more stylin' than I am.

My belly button, as I alluded to above, is Fred. Though he is not above exchanging a belly kiss hello with Billy, he is definitely "not into that sort of thing". Mainly I refer to him as "the pudgy bald guy".

Kerri's belly button is Peneth... pronounced "Pea-neth" with a lisp. I couldn't begin to assign a gender. I wish I could explain Peneth, but I think my brain shuts down everytime the younger Ks have tried to clarify. Or else they've only giggled and rolled their eyes at my confusion. It could be the second option. Sometimes that 8 and 10.5 year age gap really hits hard. Sometimes we barely feel it.

Happily, all the buttons will be reunited at Christmas this year. I just hope it doesn't snow like it did last year over the holiday. Jay will sulk for weeks if he misses another winter storm...

Laziness abounds

Bit of a nothing week. School had its ups and downs - mostly in the form of students not making up work they needed to make up. Drives me nuts. One student failed a quiz (4 out of 16 pts) and I told him he could retake it as a multiple choice quiz ONLINE. Has he done so? Nope. He has a learning disability that makes it very hard for him to write his thoughts out longhand. So the second quiz I gave, I told him he could take it directly off the computer if he wanted, and that if he wanted, he could have an extra day to study. He accepted the extra day but has yet to take the quiz. Three weeks have passed, he's lost his chance. I just want to shake his smug little face right off his fat little shoulders. It's like he's using his status as learning disabled as an excuse not to do any work. Gah.

Also, on the day I gave a quiz, 6 students were absent. I almost postponed the quiz because getting these kids to make stuff up is near impossible. However, I thought that would set a poor precedent... they have to learn to take responsibility. As much as I'd prefer that they not fail, I'm not doing them any favors by enabling them to do crappy work and not be punished for it.

*putting on my stern teacher face*

Grrr. Do your work!

Mulling over the options

So.

I'm getting a little fed up with Utah. Maybe it's just that it's an election year, maybe it's that I'm getting a close up look at the education issues, maybe it's that 62% of people polled in Utah think that banning same sex marriages AND anything other non-marriage relationship that formerly held marriage-like rights (read common-law marriage) is a GOOD IDEA!! WTF, people? How totally short-sighted can you be? How narrow-minded?

Anyway.

Jay has another year here to finish with the PhD. I could stick around for that without too much trouble, I guess. Maybe I'm a little irked still at the "but how do you know?" and "I don't want to get married" discussions of the past few years. I understand that he's got his hands full with not only the PhD work, but his commitment to the educational outreach required by his fellowship and volunteer work with the upcoming science center, AND other little departmental duties. However, just because I understand, doesn't mean I feel good about being stuffed into a holding pattern for the last few years. (I don't think this should be news to you, sweetie.) (Yes, Jay reads the site fairly regularly.)

So I've been thinking about getting out and away from here. There's a language teaching assistantship organized through the French Embassy which places between 1000-2000 foreigners in French schools to act as language assistants in their native language. The pay is minimal - about 800 Euros a month take home pay - but should be enough to live on, if frugally. The assistantship is open to people ages 20-30 who have had at least 3 semesters of college French and who have a working knowledge of French language and culture. I'm not even sure what my chances of getting it would be. It's a seven month posting and would start next October 1st. Application deadline is December 1st, 2004.

One way or another I need to decide soon so I can start getting the materials together... like recommendation letters.

I keep swinging back and forth on the subject. Last night I was totally excited about it. Today, much less so...

Thoughts?