Thursday, April 27, 2006

Tentatively Good News

Ran into my favorite sauna owner in the halls just a few moments ago. He seemed excited by the idea of me working up at the school and explained a little more what the position was all about. Kind of what I was thinking - a communications officer of sorts - making sure that everyone: counseling staff, teaching staff, parents, admins, etc. are all on the same page for each student. Plus I'd get to report to Mr. Sauna. How cool would that be? Pretty cool.


My stress headache has dropped back a notch or two.

And that can only be a good thing.

On an unrelated note...

My hair is getting long again... just long enough to pull back into a stubby ponytail. But the ends are all raggedy and it's doing that weird flip out at the splitty ends thing that I hate. Do I (1) Leave it alone for the summer because ponytails are convenient when the weather is hot? or (2) Chop it back to its cute, jaw length bob and put my bandana collection to good use to keep it from blowing in my face when outdoors?

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Oh look! The deep end!

I see it. Pretty.

Hey wait!

Why am I in this barrel and what's that rumbling?

(Have I mentioned that my 5 months of unsuccessful job searching in 2003 was what put me over the edge from my normal, manageable level of depression into the tsunami of total instability? And no, I haven't heard anything yet. And yes, I realize that it's only been two days. And no, Jay, you can't talk to me about this. The more you push, the faster I end up drowning.)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Oh yeah

And Jay and I have pretty much decided not to have a wedding after all. We had been thinking about having a celebration in October this year, but then we stopped to think about it and...

1. Neither of us really care one way or the other.

2. We were going to do it for our families, but they haven't expressed much interest one way or the other, either. My mother, bless her heart, indicated that she didn't think anyone from the extended family except one or two people would even bother to come.

3. We were also going to do it for the sake of seeing friends and family, but how much time do you really get to spend with any one person at a wedding type thing? We'd rather host people for a weekend or something.

4. Everytime we travel for a wedding it costs us about $1000 or more. Why inflict that cost on friends and family?

5. If we have a wedding, people might think they need to give us presents and we have nowhere to put stuff.

6. Wouldn't it be more relevant and interesting to wait until we have a kid or a house or something?

Yeah, we're just romantic like that. So. Barring alien intervention, no wedding party for us. Crushing, I know.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Mumble Mumble Mumble Huh?

I simply cannot marshal my thoughts into any coherent patterns at the moment. I have been job hunting almost continuously for the last 3 years with only moderate (part time work) success. It is sapping my enthusiasm for the whole work thing.

This job that I applied for - obviously haven't heard anything yet - isn't a teaching job but is a sideways jump into my more recent interest in the counseling side of things. Some kind of program liason/coordinator job working with someone who used to work at the college and who is one of the coolest people I've met in a long time. (See the past post about the sauna experience.)

So until I either hear about jobs and/or stop caring about the outcome, I'm afraid the likelihood of interesting posts from me here is way low. Bah.

On the upside, my creative writing and my kniting are both going well. Just not this outlet. Not yet. Bah.

Sunday, April 23, 2006


Applied for a very cool job at a private school in the area. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

More Wretchedness

Sometimes it is clear that my mother and I deserve each other.

She called Sunday night while Jay and I were in the midst of watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Called to wish me a happy Easter.

I said, not really considering my words, "Oh, yeah, but all that really means to me is that the shops are closed."

Yes, I said this to my mother, the CCD teacher, who prays for all her heathen children to return to the Church... I did have the good grace to feel bad about it almost immediately, though.

Maybe if I could get over the feeling that all the holy Jesus days were just pagen celebrations remade by the misogynistic bastards who corrupted the good teachings of the man into a means of control over the masses... Oops... I feel myself slipping into a rant against the Catholic church... must resist.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The Stories We Tell

I recently picked up one of my old handwritten journals. It's a thin hardcover blank book style journal that I kept from 1994 to 1999. A record of my college years plus the year before and after. Fascinating. Humiliating. Laughable. Upsetting.

I look at some of the words, stories, memories recorded in the book and I wonder who the hell that person was who wrote it all. Not me. Couldn't be. Because so much of it is too terribly WRONG. But then I look at my blog here, and I think the same thing about some of these entries, even the more recent ones. Oh, I fully believed everything I wrote as I was writing it. 100%, no doubts. But later I'll see an issue in a different light because of something else I read or see or experience, and I'll wonder how I could have ever thought my first thoughts were correct.

We define ourselves by the stories we tell. I'm not talking just about the stories we tell to other people, but the stories we tell ourselves about our own beliefs, ideals, experiences. Television and film has exploited this very curiosity of human nature countless times. Different people/characters experience the same event, and their own role in the event, in very different ways, and those changes in perspective are absolutely fascinating to me. As a writer, I can use this to alter a scene simply by choosing a different view point character to filter the information.

So what am I getting at here.... hmmm.

Sometimes I can't leave a certain subject alone because I haven't found a way to tell the story so that it really makes sense, so that the truth of it is revealed, not only to the people reading, but to myself. Sometimes I realize after posting something that I was so far from the truth of the subject that it's both painful and laughable to read my own words. I see what bullshit I've spewed, and I cringe. Yet I've never deleted a post. (I don't think...)

All the crap stories and flawed journal entries serve as a guidebook of where I've already looked for the story that is me. I think if I every really figured it out, I'd have no reason to keep writing. However, I don't anticipate ever finding that elusive truth, so I'll just have to keep hacking away word by word.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Day to End Sexual Violence

A little while ago I participated in an online survey regarding sexual violence in this country. The results have been posted here. My story is among the many the blogger posted, and is by no means one of the "worst" up there.

The women of the United States do have many more freedoms and protections than women in, say, many Middle Eastern countries, but we've got a long way to go. And we seem to be losing ground... just search the recent abortion debates to read more about that, or go to this blog for a quick run down.

More cheerful posts to come. (Hopefully... just need to catch up with the grading... always with the grading...)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Beans, Beans

Off to Boston for a couple days. Will be catching up with old friends, French and otherwise. I'll be back before you even miss me.


Tuesday, April 04, 2006

File Under: Hobbies>Reading

My reading list from the last six weeks (approximately and in no particular order):

A Monstrous Regiment of Women, A Letter of Mary, and Keeping Watch
by Laurie R. King

A Monstrous Regiment and Men at Arms
by Terry Pratchett

Origin in Death
by JD Robb

The Game of Thrones, A Clash of Kings, and I'm in the middle of A Storm of Swords
by George RR Martin

The Basque History of the World: The Story of a Nation
by Mark Kurlansky

The Black Jewels Trilogy
by Anne Bishop

Moon Called
by Patricia Briggs

Lover Eternal: A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood
by JR Ward

Hmmm... I feel like I'm forgetting one or two more. (Can you tell I don't have children? Yeah, well, got to get in the reading while I can. I have a feeling that in five years, my six week reading list will look like this: )

Anyway, clearly, I like fantasy, urban or high, makes no difference. Also fond of humor, satire, a good mystery, and history. I'd recommend any of the above. The Martin books are slow reading though. Even though I always skim the battle scenes.