Ooh, eeeh, aaah, Owwww

So. Jay got home Saturday night, but I didn't get home from work until midnight... We got up at 8 - I had about 5 or 6 hours of sleep - and after Jay had 3 breakfasts (muesli with bananas, eggs and toast, and a giant plate of left over veggie fried rice) we finally hit the road.

Went up Big Cottonwood canyon and took the Dog Lake trail up to the ridge. The aspen are spectacular - most of them turn gold, but there are varieties that go orange and gold. Granted, not quite on par with NY/PA maple trees in the fall, but as beautiful as I've seen here in Utah. Nicest part was, we went a bit off trail to get to the peak, couldn't see a sign of civilization for 360 degrees. A mere half hour drive from the city... this is why I converted to liking this odd place.

I sense that I'm not as coherent as usual, but that might be due to the fact that I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. Had to get up at 5:30 to be at work by 7. There are disadvantages to working up the hill. Especially with the construction... takes about an hour. Blech.

So sleeepyyyyy.

CLUNK (sound of head hitting desk...)

So, I survived

I'm not sure what the final deal will work out to be, but Mme. Durst said I spoke very well and she thought I could handle her first and second year French, possibly third year as well. Not the AP classes, of course. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that -- not when the AP test is at stake at the end of the year.

So, I may end up doing just half-day student teaching, which will mean doing 15 weeks instead of 10, but that will let me work and be sane for the duration.

Then I just need to find out what additional classes I need to take for the ESL endorsement...

.....

I'm so nervous right now, I can't even think of a title for this post. At 2:30 this afternoon, I will be meeting with the woman who might let me student teacher with her this winter. She's a native French speaker, and even though I know I speak very well and have a good grasp of language, literature, history, and culture, I still can't shake the feeling that she's going to turn me down.

Oh, and I have to call the State Office of Education... AGAIN. I've left a couple messages regarding the endorsement requirements and they have not gotten back to me. Very frustrating.

Nerves of Jell-O

I'm just freaking out with stress over the whole certification, endorsment, student-teaching thing. First of all, I have no idea how I am going to be able to student-teach full time and still work enough hours at the Inn to pay my bills. Just don't know. May have to throw myself on my parents' mercy yet again. This has been such a bad year for me financially... and the first half wasn't too great mentally or emotionally either. BUT - I know things will work out somehow.

I just can't shake the feeling that someone is going to call me up and say "Oh, sorry, we just realized that you don't belong here after all. You have to go back to school for another 4 years before we even think of letting you in a classroom as a teacher. Hah!"

It's not exactly a reassuring feeling.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Congrats to "Mr. and Mrs. Dobscrub" on the birth of their baby girl!

Enjoy every second with her. And of course she is perfect.

KaBOOM! Sploooosh!

That's the sound of the dam of my two-year-long writer's block being blown up to let the river of creativity flow once again. It's a wonderful thing. Better received than blowing, say, Glen Canyon Dam would be.

Babbling, babbling...

Yes, so after two years of being able to produce NADA, I picked up the first fantasy novel I finished way back in 2001 and have begun to rewrite it.I wish I could simply revise it, but it needs too many changes for that.

Some scenes I've been able to keep almost word-for-word, but others have to be tossed and replaced. Plus, I'm fleshing out the two subplots, so that's all new stuff to be added. But the thing is, I've put enough time between writing and rewriting that I'm able to see the whole story... and the huge gaping holes.

My numbers thus far for about 2 weeks of writing whenever I can: 26,748 words. Not bad for me. In fact, extraordinarily good for me. AND - the big bonus: I know how the middle will go. Haven't decided on the end for sure, but the two options I am considering are hundreds of times better than the first attempt.

Do what I say...

...Not what I do. That seems to be the theme of my current class. The instructor is smug and complacent. He has provided no syllabus, which is probably a good thing considering the assignments change week to week. We have no idea what the point value is for any of the assignments. And his politics are showing.

If he makes one more "I don't hate gays, I just hate the lifestyle" comment I am seriously going to have to have it out with him. Two more classes left. I wish it was over already.

Waiting

I was just crawling through the Classmates.com pages to see if anyone else I want to get back in touch with has registered. And then I started thinking about high school -- a subject not very far from my mind these days as I prepare for student teaching and final certification.

High school is a bit of a blur for me. I don't remember the details all that well. Oh, here and there are some memories so clear it's like they just happened this morning. But for the most part, all I remember is general feelings. Mostly that was unhappiness and confusion. I never "got" high school. I wasn't interested in the stuff you're "supposed" to be interested in.

But if I had to put a theme to it -- I'm working on themes in my rewrite of the fantasy novel -- I'd say that it was more like the frustration of being in a holding pattern. Circling around and around but never being able to actually get to where I wanted to be. Sometimes I'd just repeat to myself over and over that it wouldn't last forever. Just wait it out. Just wait it out. Just wait it out.

And it wasn't all bad. I had a few great friends and had lots of laughs and too many of those pseudo-intellectual discussions that you can only be serious about when you are 17 years old.

But I spent a lot of time alone. I still do, of course. I'm comfortable being alone, but happiest when I'm with a few people I know and love. I'm miserable and nervous and lost in a crowd of people. I always feel like there's some code that I'm missing. Like the secret password into the club. I never know what to say and always chose exactly the wrong thing.

Ironically, dialogue is one of the strongest parts of my writing. Of course, there I have lot of time to try out different responses until I find the right one.

But anyway, back to the theme... Ten years after my high school graduation, I still feel like I'm waiting for something. To finish my Masters, to figure out what to do with my "marriageaphobic" boy... not that I'm stressed about marriage - quite the opposite. I'd just like to have kids while I'm still young enough to enjoy running after them. And I don't have any desire to be a single parent - too damn hard.

To wrap up: when I was little I used to say to my mom, "I've only got 10 patients (patience) and 9 of them are gone."

Of course, putting it into proportion...

I'm still alive and no one I know has died in a massive act of terrorism today.

That counts for something.

Some day I will actually earn a living wage. Until then, I'll just try to be happy with the living part, eh?

Just as I was starting to feel better...

Dropped my car off for the yearly safety and emissions inspection today. I knew the right turn signal had to be fixed, and the car needed some work, definitely. BUT. I was hoping not to have to get it done now.

However, whoever's in charge of granting wishes must be on vacation.

One of my motor mounts is broken. Yeah. This means my motor is shifting around while I'm driving. Not so safe.

Between the turn signal, the motor mount, and the A/C dial that's jammed... $600. And that's BEFORE I pay the registration fees. Probably another $100 on top of the repairs.

Since I'm just rolling in money right now, eh?

Sigh.

I would rather be sick again

I've got food poisoning. Anything that made it past my stomach completely liquified. Anything that didn't has been expelled.

I wish I could figure out what it was that did this to me, but in lieu of that, I will just never eat anything that I ate last night ever ever again.

At least I seem to be able to keep water down now... because Jay is out hiking and probably won't be home until 6pm or so. I'd hate for him to come home to find my dead, dried-up husk on the floor in the bathroom.

Speaking of bathroom.... running there now! Gah!

The things that excite me these days...

Took our laundry down to the usual place but it was closed for some kind of gas line maintenance. So I drove back home, flipped through the yellow pages, and found another one close to home.

Oh my goodness. So much nicer. And cheaper to boot. And air-conditioned with a friendly older woman running it instead of a couple college guys behind the counter. I'm switchin'. Oh boy.

Now I get to read Brown v. Board of Education and Plessy v. Ferguson before class tonight. Thank god I did all the text reading last night at work. Gah.

Sickies

Jay and I both woke up yesterday feeling wretched - the kind of sick that just sucks the life out of you and slaps you with a major headache - so we took the day off together. Mostly just laid about and slept or read, though we did manage a major push to drive to the grocery store since we had no fruit or good sickie food at home.

All things considered, it was actually rather nice.

Wha...wait a second.

It's Monday already? You know, this "work" thing makes my time disappear like mad. I'm too tired to post now... I'll try to get to it in the morning. Maybe.