Sunday, February 09, 2003

How close is too close? I'm always suspicious of people who are too dependent on one other person for everything. I suppose that's related to my basic mistrust of human beings (feeling cynical today, bear with me). Friendships or "relationships" that are the primary focus in a person's life just seem like set-ups for imminent disappointment. I mean, who can sustain that kind of one-on-one devotion to another person? I can't imagine. I don't care how compatible two people are, one person cannot fulfill every need of another. People are far too complex for that to work.

What guides my thoughts in this direction? Two male friends of mine -- roommates who have lived together for a year now -- are in a sort of "breakup" situation. After being constant companions, cooking for each other, providing intelligent conversation and musical accompaniment, one has begun to branch out his interests... interests involving women. The other has admitted that he feels a jealousy and sense of abandonment. As a clarification, the guys are "just" friends - no real sexual element to the friendship. I'm reminded of my relationship with my college roommate. She and I were thrown together by chance freshman year and chose to stick together for the rest of the time. We spent nearly all of our free time together, talking long into the night, sharing books and music and opinions. This until well into our sophomore year. Then, I started an outside relationship with a member of the opposite sex. And worse, I left for a term abroad, leaving her with a stranger for a roommate. When I returned, things had changed -- I wasn't sure how to fix them, and honestly, I didn't notice for a while, because I was tied up with boys and exploring that shtuff...hmmm. Anyway, I have to wonder if she felt betrayed by that defection of mine -- ending our days of close companionship by introducing an outside element. I don't know for sure. I've never really asked. Maybe I don't feel like I have that right anymore.

There's always a sense of loss to a major change in a relationship - whether a traditional sort of breakup, or "just" an alteration to a close friendship. I certainly don't have any solutions.

On a brighter note, I did do some writing work today -- put down some world-building on the rules of magic for my book which will need to be rewritten. I've decided that the whole thing will probably benefit from a total rewrite versus my just opening the existing files and making alterations. With the cut and paste option, it's hard not to abuse it.

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