Listening skills and other talents

When I tell you NOT to throw the half-eaten strawberry at me, DON'T FREAKIN' DO IT!!! And after you do anyway, then for godsakes STOP before you decide to try to remove the stain by sucking on it with the mouth that just ate the other stupid half of the strawberry. The stain. Which is now permanent. On my only pair of decent (read, non-sagging gym shorts) shorts. On the day after I have done our laundry. By myself. As I do every other week. And then, again for the love of all that is holy, don't tell me that I have a lot more to be worrying about than some silly stain on my shorts.

Just don't do it.

Also, when I get up to try to salvage the damage that you have just done to my sole pair of presentable shorts, DON'T slip into the nice comfy part of the couch which I have just vacated and THANK ME for "keeping it warm for you".

Just don't.

And if you do -- which you will, because you can't seem to freakin' help yourself -- then don't expect the love to be flowing quite so freely, eh?

Excuse me, I have some ass-kicking to attend to. &^%@*&*@(*&***!!!!!!